Anger - Managing Yourself
There are some basic steps that one could take to begin controlling your anger.
Take as long as you like over the following.
Begin by listing as many out breaks of anger as you can remember. Go back as far in time as you can.
For those that you can remember clearly list against them what it was that triggered the incident. Find any common threads.
Think deeper into each incident and remember what point caused you to become more angry. What were you feeling or experiencing when you began to really get angry. For example did you feel like you were being threatened. Were you not being listened to. Was it like a childish tantrum. Did you feel hurt or ignored. These reasons may feel a difficult to identify.
So use this next stage. You could do this next stage on another day and practice the visualisations over several more days. Remember you are learning to change a habit that is well established so do not expect instant success, even though you may well get it.
Sit down in a comfortable place. Put on some quiet, restful, music. Close your eyes and begin to relax.
Now reflect back to your last angry scene.
Become an observer of yourself. Imagine standing observing yourself from a distance. Get a detached point of view of what was happening around you and to you.
Your job is to begin to understand what exactly you were doing. Notice the stages that you went through.
Notice the similarities to other time when you blew.
Write down what you discovered about getting angry.
What is it that triggers your anger? Is it something trivial that blows out of all proportion? Do you begin to loose it because the other person does not listen to you? Or it something else?
Did you notice what it was that caused you to blow?
Think it through until you really understand you way of getting angry.
Now once again return to your quiet music and quiet place to sit undisturbed for a period of time.
Once again set up yourself to be an observer of your own behaviour. This time you are going to use your wonderful imagination to see your self in a future event that causes you to go off on one.
However this time you are going to look for the point where you break the pattern. Run the sequence of events through in your mind. Find the point where you can change the whole sequence.
The thing to do is imagine that at this point you are going to do something different. You may decide simply to walk away from the situation. Or you could say to the other person involved “If we take this any further then I can see me getting angry. Can we do something different?”
Your opposite number needs to told of the intervention that you will take once you have been through this exercise.
Run the new way of acting through your mind several times, until you feel you have it clear.
Once you feel that it is what you want than you can imagine going into your mind and body in the visualisation and feel yourself doing it for real. Run it through until you feel confident that you can do it when the need arises.
The next time you get into a conflict situation use it.
If it does not work fully do not despair. Think of it as a practice run. And remember the other person in this battle also needs to practice reducing their combative nature. Have a go at teaching them the methods above,
The more you practice both mentally and physically the better you will become.
Accept responsibility for your own actions. DO NOT blame anyone for your actions.
If you find that your progress is limited seek professional help or buy a suitable self help programme or book.
Contact me at
1 Elderberry Close
Tel (00 44) 01535 692207
Mobile: 07931 315 014,
All content on this site is provided for general information only. It is here to inform and help but should not in anyway be used as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. The Publisher of this site is not responsible or liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content of this website. If you have any mental or medical concerns please seek the help of a doctor or suitably qualified medical practitioner. The publisher of this site is not liable for and has no control over for the contents of listed external internet sites. In addition the publisher does not endorse any commercial product or service mentioned or advised on the site.
If you are in anyway concerned about your health or the health of another please seek the help of a qualified doctor.